Drakken's Awesome To The Max Day
by ArcticFoxPup
Summary: Follow Drakken and Shego along on a great adventure to buy Drakken's vitamins. (Rated PG-13 for crude humor, bad words, and stupidity :} ) Keep in mind, the story is meant to be stupid, so don't say that in your review. Review it!


DISCLAIMER: None of the important characters in the story belong to me. Don't sue me. This short story is basically just a bunch of random crap I wrote to prove that I'm a better writer than someone I know. (TigerFire) I don't know her personally, I just know her from the Kim Possible forum at TvTome.com. She is the Author of "Feelings Forbidden", a terribly written story about Ron and Shego dating. My story may be stupid, but it is much better written than her's, with the exception of the words I made up :3 That's about all. Read and Review.  
  
Drakken's Awesome To The Max Day. -----  
  
It was a calm, cool Saturday morning. Drakken lay in his bed, awakened by the doves sitting in his windowsill. He smiled at the doves as he thought what a beautiful day it would soon be. Watching the doves reminded him of his childhood, and the bird he once had. As it was though, that wasn't important to the story at ALL.  
  
Drakken sat up, his eyes still lingering on the doves; their soft, gleaming eyes seemed to smile in the sunlight. His hand stumbled over the stacks of papers and unfulfilled plans lying on his nightstand. After a few moments of searching, he had finally found it. A small bell was pinched between his slender fingers. He rang it twice. Shego suddenly appeared in the doorway, a look of disgust on her face.  
  
"Do you HAVE to sleep naked?" she screamed abruptly.  
  
"Yes," Drakken said coolly.  
  
Shego stepped further into the room, a tray of pancakes and eggs still steaming with yummy goodness in her arms. She stepped closer to Drakken, her arms shaking due to the awkward situation. She set the tray on Drakken's cluttered nightstand and began to slink towards the door. After just a few steps, she tripped on a chew toy and fell face first into a pile of feces. It took her just seconds to finish puking and continue toward the door.  
  
Shego made her way to the kitchen, having to walk down the stairs of their six story hide-out; every step seeming to take an eternity. After she had walked down about three steps, she got bored and took the elevator directly to the kitchen. She hobbled to the fridge and grabbed a hunk-a-meat that was still cold from being taken out of the fridge earlier in the sentence. She placed the meat on the counter and walked to the armory to get a flamethrower. After she retrieved what she was retrieving, she went back to the meat and set it on fire. After a few moments, the meat was cooked. She then walked to the aquarium and threw the meat in, just as she did every morning. The piranhas devoured it really fast. -------  
  
Drakken had gotten up and put on his clothes and was already making his way to the kitchen to get his Old Man Brand Vitamins. He had reached the kitchen and opened the cabinet when his eyes fell on a chipmunk, killing it instantly. He put his eyes back into his head and discarded the small rodent as if it were nothing. His expression soon changed when he realized what the chipmunk had been eating. His Old Man Brand Vitamins were totally devoured!  
  
"SHEGO!", he screamed.  
  
"Yeah, Dr. D?" Shego said sarcastically even though Drakken hadn't said anything to prompt her to do so..  
  
"It seems our furry friend here has consumed an entire year's worth of my vitamins!" Drakken said.  
  
"Friend? Why in the hell would that little pile of shit be your friend if it ate all of your medicine? If I were you, I'd track down its entire family and kil--"  
  
"Shut up. We're going to the store."  
  
Drakken and Shego walked out to the car and seated themselves roughly, causing Drakken to get rug-burn on his ass. Shego fired up the car, which was actually a van because they still hadn't returned their rental from the episode in which Drakken took control of the minds of the elderly citizens.  
  
"Uhh... Dr. D... Why'd you pick a PINK van anyway? You not tellin' me somethin', huh, GayBoy?" Shego said playfully but with hate in her eyes and hair.  
  
"I don't have to answer to you! I own your soul! Just get me to Wal-Mart before the early morning rush rushes in in the early morning, which is now." He said, still annoyed.  
  
"Fine.." Shego said while playing the fiddle and driving.  
  
As they arrived at Wal-Mart, they spied a stray dog sitting in the parking lot. It was in an empty space, with buzzards hovering above. They drove closer to the dog, slowly, but with speed. Just as they were no more than 10 and no less than 10.2 feet away, Shego floored it. The van shook violently as it was propelled towards the forsaken dog. The van smashed into the stray, splattering its brains all along the pavement. Shego and Drakken laughed maniacally for a bit, then stopped.  
  
They exited the car and stared at what lay beneath their feet. The two said "Ewww" in unison and continued to walk to the entrance of Wal-Mart. Drakken hastily grabbed a cart and pushed it over to Shego for her to wheel around.  
  
"SHEGO! Get me to the vitamin section!" Drakken screamed.  
  
Drakken then climbed into the cart and secured himself with the baby belt. He pointed in the direction that he thought the vitamins were located... He was wrong, of course.  
  
After days of searching throughout the store, they finally grew the testicles to ask a cashier where the vitamins were.  
  
"Miss!" Drakken screamed evilly.  
  
"Yes?" The ugly fat old piece of crap with shit for brains responded shitfully.  
  
"Uhh.. Do you by any chance know where I can locate some Old Man Brand Vitamins?" Drakken said hatefully, his eyes burning with hate and destruction .  
  
"We're all out." The woman said.  
  
These words rang in Drakken's brain for seconds.  
  
"Are you.... positive... that you're all out?" He enquired enquirifully, with enquiring eyes, trying to keep his cool.  
  
"Yes. I told you that just a few seconds ago, stupid." She said uglyly.  
  
Shego assessed the situation, then went to buy soda, leaving Drakken all alone.  
  
Drakken's eyes burned with hatred for the ugly fat piece of crap standing before him. He reached for his plasma rifle and screeched evilly. He then shot the woman until nothing remained but empty space. He blew on the tip of his gun, but his lips got too close and got burned.  
  
He ran to the soda section and grabbed Shego's hand, pulling her along to their van.  
  
"Shego, I've set a bomb in cash register numb--" KABOOOOOOM!  
  
Just then, the bomb went off and killed everyone in Wal-Mart.  
  
Drakken and Shego made their way to the van and got in. They sat in silence for a few moments. Then, Drakken farted and they both started laughing.  
  
"Shego....." Drakken said shyly...  
  
"Yes.. GayBoy?" Shego replied playfully.  
  
"I think.... I love.... pot roast...." He said.  
  
"Do you think you could whip some up for us tonight?" He said, this being the second thing he had said in a row.  
  
".......No...." She said saidfully.  
  
She then floored it and they were on their way to smarty mart; where smart shoppers shop smart.  
  
As they made their way to Smarty-Mart, they decided to stop at a WacDonald's along the way.  
  
They pulled up to the window and heard a crackling voice through the speaker.  
  
"Yes.. Uh... We'd like two double chunky burgers and two sides of fat- fries, stupid." Shego said slyly.  
  
"CHSHHHHHHHHSHSHH MmAMAMAMMOMONOANoM" The speaker crackled.  
  
"Uhh.. hehe... I don't think you're getting it.." Shego said growing ever more annoyed.  
  
"ShhhHChHHCHCHMONAINAONAOM-FUCKYOU-OAMCMMAAA." Crackled the speaker.  
  
"What, Bitch?? What did you just say??" Shego screamed.  
  
Shego's gloves began to glow as she punched through the speaker, clear into the brick of the building. She got out of the car and walked calmly to the window and knocked on it gently...  
  
"HEY BITCH!! I'm talkin' to you, Bitch!" Shego screamed.  
  
"If you don't open up this window right now I'm gonna break you in half!" She roared.  
  
There was no response at the window, so she punched through the wall and stormed into the kitchen. There, before her, stood the ugliest piece of shit know to man. It was all stinky and had nuts in it and undigested chicken... It was all gross... Shego made her way to the back of the kitchen and found the culprit. She picked him up by his acne and swung him around until his face ripped off. She then walked over to the burgers and bagged herself a free lunch.  
  
After she had gotten back to the car, she handed one of the 18 bags to Drakken, who hungrily stuffed his face.  
  
"MMM MMMMM, BITCH!!" Drakken bellowed.  
  
Shego stared at Drakken for a moment, then booted up the car and waited for it to load.  
  
"Damn Windows 3.1" Shego growled.  
  
After a few moments, they were on their way to Smarty Mart.  
  
The two pulled into the parking lot, got out, and slammed their doors. The doors fell off and crashed on the ground.  
  
"There goes your security deposit, Dr. D" Shego said.  
  
"Fuck you." Drakken growled.  
  
They walked into the store and grabbed a cart. They then made their way to the vitamin section. After they arrived, they began to scour the area for Drakken's Old Man Brand Vitamins. They weren't actually his yet though. He had to buy them. To say that they were his was actually just a figure of speech, as in, they are his favorites.  
  
Drakken's eyes filled with tears as he saw what he had come for.  
  
"BABY" Drakken screamed.  
  
Shego rolled her eyes and farted.  
  
Drakken turned to Shego and began to speak, but the chipmunk from earlier in the story had caught up with them and snatched the pills away from Drakken,  
  
"Noooo!!" Drakken screamed.  
  
Drakken stared ahead blankly as the chipmunk ran away with his pills. The anger welled up inside him. He smiled freakishly and his arms began to twitch. His muscles grew larger and larger. He balled his fists and leapt into the air, screeching evilly. He hit the ground and began to run towards the chipmunk.  
  
The rodent sat on top of a shelf, feasting upon the vitamins and growing ever more powerful, still unaware of the danger.  
  
Drakken leapt into the air and snatched the chipmunk up by its face. He swung it around and threw it to the floor. A gaping whole was revealed when the smoke had cleared. The chipmunk's lifeless body lay in the center of the crater.  
  
Drakken landed and peered into the whole, a smirk on his face. He turned around and began to walk back to where he had left Shego. Just as he turned around though, the chipmunk launched into the air and propelled itself towards Drakken.  
  
"Drakken!!! Look out, yo!!" Shego screamed.  
  
Drakken had turned around just enough to see the chipmunk when all of a sudden; a loud crack rang through the air. A vapor trail lead up to where the shot had come from. The shadow ran through the rafters in an attempt to keep his identity a secret, but it tripped and fell onto the floor 20 feet below. The huge mechanized super soldier stood up and brushed himself off. He looked around and saw Drakken running towards him.  
  
Drakken stood before The Master Chief, from Halo.  
  
"How the hell did you get here?" Drakken enquired.  
  
"I don't know." Chief said  
  
The Master Chief turned around and started towards the door when Drakken interrupted. "Want some Coke?"  
  
"Sure" Chief took a big swig and threw a towel over Drakken's face.  
  
"Stay in school." Chief said. He then walked outside and got in a spaceship and flew away.  
  
------ Drakken and Shego walked outside, a broken bottle of vitamins clutched in Drakken's hands.  
  
"This is why I never come here." Shego joked.  
  
"I hate you." Drakken replied.  
  
They got into the doorless van and drove off into the sunset. You could just barely see Drakken drop his pills and yell profanities as his medicine spilled all over the street.  
  
The End  
  
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Please leave reviews. I would love to know what you think of my stupid story :3 


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